a way back to then.

i am the nostalgia queen. anyone will tell you that. i have this elephantine memory that remembers the most absurd details, the ins and outs of everything that has gone on in my life. and i love re-visiting it, in the form of old blog posts, diaries, pictures, etc. this is not to say that my life is/was particularly extraordinary or exciting. i just enjoy looking back, reflecting, and connecting the dots to figure out how i am who i am.

my time with the children i babysit leads me down this path often, as i find myself waxing poetic about my polly pocket collection, watching disney movies, or scoping out headbands at claire's.

cunningham.
(c. 1998)

today seemed to be a normal, dismal, summer day with nothing to do and nothing to play. but for some reason i had all of these moments that transported me back to the summers of my youth. and i'm not talking high school parties in the woods and kissing boys in lakehouses. i'm talking afternoons at the pool, licking a melting chipwich off my fingers while i kept an eagle eye out for the popular boys from my grade. i'm talking reading one YA novel after the other in an attempt to win the coveted library contest. i'm talking summer camp with everything smelling just a little bit damp and a little bit like bug spray. i'm talking sleepovers with girls' life and ym magazines open, reading about someone else's humiliating story for a change and making checklists of what to do to maximize our free time.

and so on this day, at age 23, i did the following: shopped at justice (née limited too) for brightly colored statement tees, skimmed at least half a dozen "teen-at-the-beach" romance novels in the barnes & noble young adult section, decorated t-shirts with puff paint, and watched aquamarine, the tween-flick about two misfits (played by emma roberts and jojo...yeah okay) whose bff-ship is put to the test when they discover a mermaid in the pool one morning. it's all about being 12 and awkward and having crushes on boys who are older and hotter than you could ever hope to be...and marine life.

on the way out to go hunt for our evening arts & crafts project at michael's, we ran into margaret's friend in the elevator. she was on her way to get a mani/pedi, her mom told us, before heading to camp tomorrow. i suddenly found myself feeling so deeply jealous of this little girl, all bright-eyed and un-tanned, ready for her summer of non-stop adventure and insanity. i started talking with margaret about my summer camp experiences. about hating morning swim lessons with every fiber of my being. about piercing lexie's nose in the bathroom after dark. about bug bites and bonfires and trips to the movies. "yeah," margaret said, knocking me down off my nostalgia trip to the farm, "i probably wouldn't like sleepaway camp."

i know i shouldn't make such a big deal about the summer coming. i'm a college graduate - this time is no more special than the rest of the year. it's hotter, and the electric bills are higher, and i get to swim sometimes. but something about spending your time around kids, and your schedule changing when their's does, you feel the summer again, you feel the anticipation, the boredom, the everything that makes summer a special time when you're in those inbetween years.

and truth be told, this summer i am a little bored, i'm a little inactive, not working on any shows or big projects at the moment. so despite living in the most exciting city in the world, i'm feeling that little bit of tweenage restlessness. but today i realized that there is a way to capitalize on that, that summer can still be about taking books out of the library and eating ice cream and planning for the future. and this blog is, in a way, my own kind of arts & crafts project.

i was never that talented with popsicle sticks anyway.

did i mention it was horseback riding camp? yeah no it was.
(c. 2001)

our whole life is but a greater and longer childhood. – ben franklin